Considering a divorce?
So, you’ve had enough and want a divorce. This is understandable. However there are some things to first consider:
If there are no kids and you are both half way reasonable people, you can probably move on without too much damage.
If you have children together, then you can never really separate. That other person is going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life.
- What happens at Christmas?
- What happens at graduation?
- Who takes the 1am call and picks them up from the night club?
- Where do they keep their stuff?
- Who pays for the wedding(s)?
- Who turns up to the baby shower?
- What happens if they don’t like your next partner?
- What happens if your next partner doesn’t like them?
- What happens if your next partner’s kids, and your kids, and your ex-partner partner’s kids don’t like each-other?
That’s a lot of phone calls to someone you can’t work with, because if you could work with them, you probably wouldn’t be getting divorced. Plus, most sexual abuse is perpetrated by persons known to the victim, often by new partners.
However, if you can negotiate your way through that, you can at least begin a new life.
You end up in Court. If you can settle – good! If not, then the Family Court runs your life.
From the man’s perspective you will get to practice the Buddhist art of detachment. From money (because you will have a lot less of that stuff); from your children (because you won’t get to see them much); and from your reputation (once it’s been dragged through the Court).
From the woman’s perspective you are now mostly going solo with the kids while also having to deal with your ex.
On the flip side, nobody likes being cheated on. Abusive relationships are not cool. Narcissists don’t actually have relationships, they just use people; and who wants to be miserable for the rest of their lives anyway? Besides, you may be tired of coming in second or third place behind someone’s addiction.
So yeah, all up you might want to talk to a counsellor before talking to a lawyer.
While we recommend you take the whole foundational Trauma Life Recovery course we have also made available two modules specifically for relationships (Modules 6 & 7). The total cost of all our offerings will be around the same cost as a court filing and an hour of legal fees. It may be money well spent.
Court System Facts:
To get any kind of justice there you are going to have to find $100,000 or get yourself a law degree (which costs around $100,000).
Over seventy per cent of divorces are initiated by women who typically walk away with 60 – 70 per cent of everything including ex-hubbies future earnings and superannuation. Divorce is something you really need to budget for.
The system incentivises women to deny fathers access to their children. That way the mother can get more maintenance dollars and avoid having to work. The mother can also get social security, plus live off the earnings of the new boyfriend.
Whatever man (or woman) the ex-wife chooses next, will be the main male figure in your children’s lives.
Men’s advocacy groups estimate that on average 30 – 50 men commit suicide each week as a result of Family Court decisions. Not a lot of women do, but around 50 women per year are killed by their partners. In simple terms, women arrive at the morgue due to domestic violence and men due to the Family Court.